Did you know that protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were catholic!

A proton and a neutron walk into a bar.  The neutron asks the bartender “how much for a beer?” The bartender looks at him and says, “for you. No charge!”

Why was Heisenberg so bad at having sex?  When he had the position, he had no momentum and when he had the momentum, he didn’t have the position!

What’s the chemical formula for ice?  It’s H2O cubed.

Two atoms walk out of a bar.  One atom turn to the other and says, “I think I just lost an electron.” The other asks, “are you sure?” To which the first atom says, “yes, I’m positive.”